


The Sea and the Smile

by Valgus



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Drama, M/M, Sad ReiGisa basically but maybe you'd take it differently., This a 'serious' ReiGisa because Rei is too logical.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-14
Updated: 2015-09-14
Packaged: 2018-04-20 18:36:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4798118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Valgus/pseuds/Valgus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>It could be</i><br/><i>That you are the sea</i><br/><i>That makes me infinitely sad</i><br/><br/>And here was what Rei didn’t tell Nagisa: that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with him and buy him all the Iwatobi bread in the world, because there was no way in the world Rei could tell the person he loved the most all those things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Sea and the Smile

_Your eyes are small narrow strips when you laugh_

_And maybe I’m the man who loves you one day_

* * *

Sometime in his second year in high school, Ryuugazaki Rei laughed so hard at Kou’s assumption that he, Rei, had fallen in love. Rei had laughed on how silly and illogical it would be.

But then time passed and he was surprised how wrong he was.

*)*

After the life-changing relay final at the Nationals, his two very important senpai graduated. Once Makoto-senpai and Haruka-senpai disappeared from Rei’s school life, the beautiful music that Rei used to hear when they were around went into a silence as well—the silence that let Rei heard the sound of his own heart.

Rei had read once that true love would come into one’s life with no sound. He sneered at such quote. It wasn’t like love would ever come to Rei’s life, anyway.

But one day, sometime after the beginning of his third year in high school started, Rei was on the roof with Nagisa, eating their lunch under the spring sky, it felt like his whole world suddenly stopped when his fingers touched Nagisa’s as he handed Rei his bottle of Barley tea.

Rei thought his heart would fall out of his chest.

Nagisa held two ridiculously large breads in his hands, eating messily and laughing when he noticed that Rei had dropped the tamagoyaki that was on the way into his mouth. When he saw Nagisa’s laughing face, Rei suddenly forgot about the tamagoyaki he had perfected to cook by the holiday. When Nagisa laughed, his eyes turned into narrow line… and Rei thought it was the most beautiful view in the whole world.

The world seemed to slow down after that. Rei was then aware of the rustling sakura trees in the distance, of the chatter of school in the afternoon, of the slightly cool ground he sat at, of the tie around his neck, and of his heartbeat and warming cheeks.

Nagisa didn’t seem to notice a thing, to Rei’s relief. He finished his bread and started to jump around while talking about this new ice cream parlour in front of the station near their houses. Hazuki Nagisa was just like a little energetic bunny and Rei was dumbfounded how he suddenly found Nagisa as someone incredibly cute.

*)*

One weekend, Rei visited Nagisa’s house to do homework.

Rei met all Nagisa’s three elder sisters. They were all very beautiful and a little unlike Nagisa, which Rei somehow found surprising because he imagined Nagisa’s sisters just like a girl version of Nagisa and there were three of them.

They were all very beautiful, indeed, but when Rei went home, he went home wondering why he thought Nagisa was way more beautiful than all three of them.

*)*

The Swim Club’s outdoor pool had already open when Rei tried to ask himself why kept thinking of Nagisa in… well, _that_ way.

Nagisa didn’t look any much different than when he was young, on those photos that Rei found half-endearing half-amusing by Coach Sasabe’s house. His strawberry blond hair was somehow thick. He had very large eyes. He moved around so much when he talked. He was, Rei somehow concluded, very cute.

It took Rei a couple of months until the mid-term to accept that he might liked Nagisa more than just as friend. When that happened, the logical question to be asked and answered next would be; where was this going to go?

Was there any future for Nagisa and him?

That was when Rei started to find it hard to breathe. While Rei could live even if Nagisa didn’t return his feeling, Rei couldn’t live thinking that Nagisa loved him just as much, yet the two of them could never be together like his mother and father together.

Rei then secretly read about how overseas, people are okay with guy marrying another guy. He also saw some photos of their marriage. There was also the one from United States, where a pair of very elderly men got married once it was legal for them to do so. They had waited for so long, so very long until one them as on wheelchair and the other was practically half-blind from age, to be united as one.

Rei didn’t realize he cried when he saw the photo.

When he started swimming again once the mid-term was over, Rei decided not to say anything to any living soul about the whole thing—about perhaps the only real and illogical thing in his structured, rigid life.

*)*

Three years later in university, Nagisa was still by his side. He literally didn’t change, from his demeanour to his very adorable face. Nagisa didn’t seem to grow any taller either and Rei liked it when he could help Nagisa with things placed out of his reach.

Nagisa still ate the Iwatobi bread and Rei still felt his chest tightened and his stomach churned in the most daring, pleasant way possible when he saw Nagisa’s eyes turned into narrow line when he laughed.

Rei had no bravery to destroy the balance between them to ask whether Nagisa didn’t think of having any girlfriend, because he sure as hell was popular in university, with his small build, energetic personality, and weird idea of weekend activity.

And here was what Rei didn’t tell Nagisa: that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with him and buy him all the Iwatobi bread in the world, because there was no way in the world Rei could tell the person he loved the most all those things.

Because there was no way in the world Rei told Nagisa that he owed Nagisa too many happiness and that Rei couldn’t give him the same—that there was no future for them.

So that evening, when he and Nagisa boarded the train to return to Iwatobi for summer break, he let Nagisa held his hand and slept on his shoulder as sunset descended outside the moving, rattling train.

Memories seemed to flood Rei’s eyes when he watched Iwatobi and all the familiar scenes outside. He remembered how Nagisa was about to ask him to join the swim team just near the station they just passed, how Nagisa had took Rei’s hand and brought him to a very different yet very beautiful world of swimming. It was like Rei was suddenly exposed to the sea after thinking that he only had land and mountain to explore his whole life.

The sunset outside painted Iwatobi with burning colours of orange and red while the stars descended slowly on darkening sky. It was so beautiful and Rei was in so much pain to know that he could never return the favour of the person he loved the most.

So he tightened his fingers around Nagisa’s hand and closed his eyes to prevent tears from leaking so unbeautifully behind his glasses.

* * *

  _It could be_

_That you are the sea_

_That makes me infinitely sad_

**Author's Note:**

> I was listening to Alexa Feser's "Mehr als ein Lied" when I read this (supposedly) cute and sexy ReiGisa doujinshi and my mood got very, well, weird.
> 
> Then I wrote this.
> 
> Of course, it's not really interpretation to Alexa's really nice and melancholic song (not to mention, my German isn't very good), but maybe more like I borrowed the 'tone' of the story from it. [Click here to listen it on YouTube.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T1lVh97zSHw)
> 
> I think people usually write very cheerful ReiGisa and wanted a serious and sad one for some reason... I had a lot of fun writing "The Sea and the Smile".
> 
> Thank you for reading it.


End file.
